A Suburban City Girl in A Small Town

Moment by moment……

Happiness – Whose Responsibility Is It to Make You Happy?

on August 10, 2011
I recently had a conversation with a guy who, when I asked what he wanted in a wife, said this, “I want a woman who will love me with all her heart, a woman who will make me happy and who will make me feel fulfilled.”
This seems to be a very generic reply, in my opinion. The more I thought about it, the more I looked into my own life and asked the very simple question: Who’s responsibility is it to make me happy? As a race, we humans tend to look outside of ourselves for answers to the most basic of questions. We’ve pulled away from the self-evaluation that periodically needs to be done and instantly summarize if we are not happy, it can’t be our fault. The blame game starts and suddenly, we’re unhappy with people in our lives when really, it’s us we’re not happy with.
I’m a single woman and honestly, I would love a man to love me. But to love me “with all his heart”? I have issues with that statement. If he loves me with all his heart, how is he loving himself. Because in order to love someone else, you must first experience it first  hand – you must love yourself. Otherwise, the love you give someone else will be conditional.
It is the same with happiness.
I tend to shy away from anyone who tells me they want me to make them happy. Not only is this conditional, but it’s a huge responsibility. I don’t want to spend my life making anyone happy! Be happy first! This doesn’t just involve romantic relationships; the engulfs all your relationships. You can’t make your kids happy all the time. You can’t make your parents happy. You can’t make your spouse happy….and the list goes on. Yes, you can have happy moments and good memories but that’s different than effecting them in such a way as to put them into the state of happiness.
Websters defines happiness as “a state of well-being or contentment.” I disagree that happiness and contentment are wrapped up in each other. Someone once said this to me, “Happiness is having a chocolate bar; contentment is owning the chocolate factory.”
How true!
Happiness is fleeting. Happiness changes like the state of hunger changes once you eat. It is equally as fickle. Contentment is that state of peace that we come to in our lives where, while we know life has its challenges, we also know we are in control and able to handle them. Contentment is the confidence that on the side of the storm are blue skies.
That is what you need to  have before  you enter a relationship (especially with me). It is not my job to make you happy for I most likely will fail more than I succeed. Be happy and content FIRST! Then find that relationship and let that relationship be the overflow of  your contentment. Be fulfilled FIRST! And above all, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! No relationship can survive as a well-balanced entity without these being in place first.
Bottom line and answer to the original question – whose responsibility is it to make you happy? Answer: YOU and no one else!
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2 responses to “Happiness – Whose Responsibility Is It to Make You Happy?

  1. I would like you to keep up the good work.You know how to make your post understandable for most of the people.I will definitely share it with others.Thanks for sharing.

    Like

  2. Syrhoran says:

    – Lovely portrait and a nice idea for a pejcrot. Just finished a daily pejcrot for our son’s first year (simple smartphone snapshots) and currently doing a more formal, weekly photo session pejcrot for year two. I think after that, I’ll go into a monthly mode like you did here.Looking forward to hearing your ideas for 2012.- Kris

    Like

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