What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

Under the Tuscan Sun (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun“, Diane Lane‘s character says this about divorce that bleeds truth. She says:

Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn’t actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you’ve promised to cherish till death do you part says “I never loved you,” it should kill you instantly. You shouldn’t have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn’t know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.

As someone who has survived the end of an emotionally abusive relationship, I can attest to the truth in this. The feeling of looking around as people are smiling and wondering if you will ever smile again is one I remember all too well. Your next relationship is disastrous because, in your heart, you know you shouldn’t be kissing anyone else but the one you to whom you were married.

But have hope! There’s much to be said for experiencing the thrill of that first kiss again, especially when you thought you never would. I lost myself in my marriage and found myself through my divorce. I discovered who I was and who I want to be.

So while divorce should kill you, surviving it makes all the difference in discovering who you really are. Walk the journey slowly. Take time to wallow. Grieve carefully. Then be done with it. Forgive and move forward, one step at a time and take joy in discovering who you really are.

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