A Suburban City Girl in A Small Town

Moment by moment……

Do You See Me?

on September 30, 2013

Deutsch: Agricultural Research Service, Photo ...

 

Lately, I’ve been struggling with my weight. And when I say “lately”, I mean my whole life! I want to lose weight. I want to work out. I want to be seriously active, as in biking long trails and running long distances. My daughter wants to run and bike with me and I need to do this with her while she is asking me. 

Eating healthy is really not a problem for me. My mom, a diabetic, has gone through a nutritionist program and I learned a lot. I actually LOVE eating healthy. I love organic, clean food. I do not like anything processed and tend to stay away from them as much as possible. I love to find new recipes and try them out on my family. Whole grains, fresh fruits and veggies (and I really LOVE smoothies), chicken and good fish….these are all high on my foods list. 

So what is stopping me? I’ve been marinating on this a lot lately. It comes down to a mind-set. People have a mind-set of prejudgment against overweight people. I’ve heard the comments from people who watch fat people work out and they’re never kind. They comment on what they’re wearing or how much they’re sweating or how disgusting they look or – my personal favorite – how they came to be fat. Never do I hear people talk about how wonderful it is that person is getting fit or making an investment into themselves. 

I’ve grown up with this idea. And I’ve drilled it into my brain the idea of anyone looking at me is bad! It’s bad because the rejection based on my weight is soon to follow. Without realizing it, I’ve convinced myself that for someone to see me walking, bike-riding or being in a gym is a bad thing. Therefore, the only way I work-out is in my own home, where no one can see me. 

The issue with such solitude is very often, one will find 100 other things to do besides what they should do. After all, no one witnesses your commitment so no one will witness you breaking it. Procrastination seems to be the ruling power when one decides to do things like this on their own. 

So what to do about this? Because the bottom line is I want to be healthy and I want to get this weight off. Will I ever be a size 6? NO! LOL! But to be a healthier, non-numerical version of me would be nice. Out of this has come some very harsh conversations with myself about not caring what other people think. Honestly, I can’t ever stop people from judging based on what they see. People are people and they will always judge me for something – my hair, makeup, weight, speech, etc…..there will always be something. But I can no longer allow these thoughts to serve as a raised drawbridge for what I want to achieve. 

Far too long have I allowed others to dictate my life based on my fear of what they would think of me. This is no way to survive. From now on, when you come to my corner of the world, you will know me. I will be the formerly fat girl running in the park, or walking through the town or biking on one of our beautiful trails. Go ahead and judge me, if that makes you feel better. 

But I’d love it if you joined me, instead! 😉 

 

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2 responses to “Do You See Me?

  1. Rob Russo says:

    Beautiful!! And it brings up a concept that I have known for a few years now, but have been ‘marinating’ in a lot this last week. “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” Brilliant, isn’t it? And yes, it really is interesting how many people attempt to write our stories for us, when there is already a beautiful story there that they are missing. 🙂 You GO, li’l sis!! And you ARE beautiful!

    Like

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